Kamikaze Mission
by Mackie V
Summary: Heero's thoughts in the split-second he decides to go through with destructing himself along with his Gundam. This an old work of mine that I attempted to revisit and revise.


**Kamikaze Mission**

_Mackie V._

Note: This is me revisiting an old fanfiction that I wrote in 2001 under another pen name. It was a good idea, but I just think it could have gone further… so I'm going to try that. This is also just a little something to give me a break and maybe ease my slight writer's block.

P.S: If you are curious, this is in reference to episode 10.

Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply.

* * *

Earth. Earth had never looked more despicable and my mission had never seemed more crucial than in that moment.

How dare OZ call us the rebels then attack the innocent civilians of the colonies. We are not the enemy. We are not the evil-doers. I am not the danger. I fight to give those who do not have the ability to protect themselves a chance for security, a chance for happiness. I fight for peace.

Cowards.

They attack the weak in an attempt to demonstrate their insurmountable power. They attack those unable to defend themselves as a bargaining tool. Is this how war works? When the opposing team seems as if they have the upper-hand, a trump card must be played. Even if that ace is powerless and irrelevant to the actual battle.

What an abomination.

My mission at this point is simple. Never surrender, never give in. There are people, whether they know it or not, relying on me out there. It was never for the glory. It was all for the sake of the people. All for the sake of the colonies. All for the sake of true freedom.

I will erase the stain that is OZ from the Earth.

I may not be able to do it with my own two hands, but the flesh and bone of my annihilated body will bear testament to my resolve. The sacrifice of this earthly body will be an instrument. An instrument that will set off a chain reaction in the hearts of others. OZ, your true colors have been revealed. Do not think the people will soon forget this travesty. I may no longer be able to physically fight, but my courage will be enough to inspire others to stand up and fight.

You will not win.

My chest tightens. It feels as if someone or something has a vice-like grip on my very soul and they do not intend to let up any time soon. My legs falter beneath me. My body feels as if it is heavier than ever. My palms are sweating so profusely. I can barely grip the control in my hand.

I will bear this burden so you do not have to.

I will be the one to take the fall. I will be the one to hold the fragile dreams of the people on my shoulders. I do this all without regret. I do this for people I don't know nor never will know. I do this for people who have shunned me and expressed utter hatred for my existence. I do this so that they may never need to know the pain of war.

I do this so that you may never endure loss.

This is my favor to everyone out there. This is so no other person will have to be affected the same way that we Gundam pilots are. I do not wish this fate upon anyone. I will do this so that others may have a chance to experience a real childhood. I do this so that others do not have to become trained killers against their will.

This is my resolve.

It is truly saddening though that I was born into this war with little to no choice to oppose my intended fate. I understand that this is an order, but when it comes down to it, this is my choice to make. Accept or deny. Win or lose. It is up to me to make a difference. It is up to me to enlighten OZ and the world. It is up to me to set things right.

Peace is obtainable.

I wonder what they will say about me after I'm gone. I wonder if I'll go down in the history books as a great legend or as one of the vilest creatures ever to have walked the Earth. Maybe they will make up stories in my absence to ease the guilt that will plague every corner of their mind when they realize that a young boy sacrificed his very life to be that beacon of hope. I wonder if they will say I'm crazy for destroying myself along with the Gundam. It just goes to show that they do not fully understand exactly what this mechanical beast represents. As if I would surrender the one thing that could change the outcome of this stupid war.

But, I have never thought clearer.

Body; don't give out on me now. I need you to be as fierce as my will. I need you to cooperate. So chest, stop tightening up; legs, stay steady; arms, hold out. This is it. This is the final decision, now or never.

I will be strong.

OZ, the people of Earth, and the people of the colonies… you can say what you will about me. But, I will always fight for what I believe in from the deepest depths of my very being. I know this is for the good of the world. I know that war is inevitable. I know that power is desirable. But, like this endless waltz in my ears, the music never stops; and I in the same way will never yield.

This is justice.

The stars. The stars have never looked more beautiful. It is as if they are shining more brightly now than ever before. It is as if they know the pain and strength in my heart. The stars are smiling down upon me tonight. Each one of those stars represents a life I will save with my choice. They make me not feel so alone.

The stars are illuminating.


End file.
